In Defense of Lavender
by magentabear
Summary: Parvati’s not afraid to threaten a sick man, not when her best friend’s heart is on the line.


Disclaimer: Not mine in any way.

Author's note: It's always bothered me how long it took Ron to dump Lavender, so this fic was just begging to be written.

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**In Defense of Lavender**

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Parvati tiptoed into the infirmary. Ron was asleep, and not one of the fake ones that Lavender (the poor, lovesick fool) kept falling for. She sat down on the stiff chair and waited.

Luckily, she didn't have to wait too long. She'd only been _Witch Weekly_ for twenty minutes when Ron woke up. He stared at her blearily for a moment, then yelped and scrambled into a sitting position. "_Parvati!_"

She set the magazine aside. "Good morning, Ron."

"What are you doing here?"

"Now, now," she tutted. "Is that _really_ the way to greet your girlfriend's best friend?"

"You just gave me a bloody heart attack. I can greet you however I want."

Really, sometimes Lavender's tastes were simply beyond Parvati's understanding. "Ron, listen to me. I came here for a reason, and the sooner you let me say my piece, the sooner I can leave."

He folded his arms across his chest.

"Trust me, I don't want to be here anymore than you want me to be here."

"Then why are you here?" he asked gruffly.

"Because I was almost sorted into Hufflepuff."

He blinked at her. "So was I. Your point?"

"My point is—wait, _you_ almost went to Hufflepuff? Where's the loyalty for Lavender? And when have you ever worked hard?"

"I said _almost_. I didn't end up there, did I? And weren't you going to say your piece so you could leave?"

"Fine," Parvati snapped. "Let's get on with it. You're treating Lavender like crap and I'm sick of it. She's not been herself since she got on with you. She deserves better and I want you two to break up."

"Really? I was—"

"I'm not finished," Parvati interrupted dangerously. "I want you two to break up, but I want _her_ to be the one to end it. You've done nothing but hurt her since Christmas, and I won't have you dumping her on top of that."

"I haven't been that bad," he protested.

"Ron, don't make me read you the list."

"You made a _list_?"

"I did." Parvati handed him a piece of parchment.

Ron stared at it. "There's almost twenty points on here."

"You're a truly awful boyfriend, Ron." Parvati let Ron finish reading the list. "Although the last few were only added because Binns wouldn't shut up about the Hag Trials of whenever-they-happened," she added.

"You made a list," he repeated dumbly.

"_Do_ keep up, Ron. Yes, I made a list."

Ron's expression changed suddenly. "Did you show it to Lavender?" he asked.

"Of course not."

"I didn't mean to hurt her, Parvati. I swear I didn't."

"But you did, Ron," she said. "I know you're dense as a brick, but surely you can see that. You never wore the necklace and you won't tell her about your family and you never talk to her when you're with Harry and now you're bloody pretending to be asleep so you can _avoid_ her."

"I… it's not that… well, it's not like she that great of a girlfriend, either," Ron sputtered. "Did you see that necklace?"

"Don't you _dare_ try to pin this on her," Parvati hissed. "You dragged her into one of your rows with Hermione and now you're just stringing her along and _she's_ the one getting hurt."

"Yeah, well, she's not the only one," Ron muttered.

"But she's the only one who won't get a happy ending."

"What?"

"Oh, please," Parvati scoffed. "We all know that you and Hermione are going to get together. Lavender's the one who gets to nurse a broken heart and watch you two prance around in love."

"I don't _prance_."

"Not with Lavender you don't."

"Do you _want_ me to prance?"

"No, I want you to start treating Lavender better."

"But I thought you wanted us to break up."

"But I want _her_ to end it. She needs to see for herself what we all see, and then she has to prove to herself that she can deal with it."

Ron considered this as Parvati glared at him. Maybe she had a point. He could've been a better boyfriend. Lavender was just so _annoying_ sometimes. Still, she deserved more than he'd given. But then what about Hermione? They were finally talking again and he wasn't going to risk that.

"I wasn't the one who chased after her, you know," Ron said quietly.

He came to regret that statement very quickly. Parvati puffed herself up and took on the most condescending tone possible as she lectured him about the importance of treating one's girlfriend with respect, gratitude and trust. He finally cut her off as she began to sing the praises of open dialogue, whatever the hell that meant.

"Parvati, shut_ up_ and let me finish," he practically growled. "I almost died a few days ago. Trust me, I've done some thinking. I know I hurt Lavender and I know why Hermione wouldn't talk to me and I bleeding _know_ that things have gone too far."

"Oh." Parvati leaned back in her chair. "Good. You're not as dense as I thought."

"Thanks, I think."

"And I _am_ glad you didn't die," she said softly.

"Thanks. For real this time."

Parvati giggled and they both relaxed a bit.

"When are they letting you out of here?" she asked after a pause.

"In a few days, I guess," Ron said with a shrug.

"That's good. Seems kinda dull in here."

"You could say."

"Although I can't say I'll be too thrilled when you get out," Parvati said, almost to herself.

"What?"

She blushed. "It's nothing. Just… Lavender doesn't act like herself when you're around. It's been nice having my friend back for a few days, even if she _does_ complain about you half the time."

"Uh, yeah," Ron said awkwardly. "Look, Parvati, I really do feel bad about this whole thing. I never meant to hurt Lavender."

"No, you meant to hurt Hermione."

He looked away and muttered something incomprehensible.

"It worked, you know," Parvati said. "Hermione's been a mess all term. It's kind of pathetic to watch." Ron opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off. "_Don't_ talk to me about her, Ron. I'm on Lavender's side through and through."

"Then you can't talk about Hermione, either," he fumed.

"Deal. I'm done here anyway, so I'll let you get back to getting better."

She got up to leave, but he called her back. "Just how long do I have to wait?" he asked. "What if she won't dump me? I need to make things right with, um… the-girl-we-don't-talk-about."

Parvati cursed under her breath. _Just_ when she thought she was getting through to him, he _had_ to go say something like this. She marched back to him. "Ron, you and Hermione are going to get married. Why does it matter if you get together next week or next year? Give Lavender the time she needs and let her dump you. You owe her that much."

"But I owe Her—"

"You aren't in a position to argue, I'm afraid," Parvati cut in coolly. "I share a room with your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend and the love of your life. Trust me, I am _not_ someone you want to trifle with."

Ron looked suitably cowed as Parvati flounced out of the infirmary.

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**The End**


End file.
